My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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