Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
