Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
