I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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