dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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