I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
