me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
