Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
