Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
