My first STD was from a foam party
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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