I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
