Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
