from now on my penis is your penis
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
