Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
