dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
