DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
