none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
