I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
