You smell like a Billy Joel song
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?