Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.