Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.