Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Your penis caused this!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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