i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
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If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni