some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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