woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
