Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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