i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he puts the penis in happiness.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
