I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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