I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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