too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
