I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
