I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
