We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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