I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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