We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
