sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
