Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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