I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
