i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
