I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
