well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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