One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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