just tell him i said nine months
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize