wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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