I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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