angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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