I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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