i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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