Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize
