I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
