i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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