im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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