My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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