I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
