o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
