also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
