Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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