I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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