Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
