Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
