Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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