I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
