It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
