Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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