You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
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it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
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Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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