I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
